Edgar Moreno

I was diagnosed with cancer in 2001.

It was a really tragic event, in a part of my body that I never thought could have cancer. I was the only man diagnosed with this disease in all of New York and I was frustrated because there was nobody I could talk to and know what it was I had. The doctors didn’t know what I had, and they wanted to remove that part of my body but I didn’t want to because I am a man.

How I tried. It wasn’t easy. It was very hard. I rested because I had so much pain that was incontrollable and the medication that they gave me made me sleep. It knocked me out. It made me stupid. It had me confused. It had me depressed. It had me going through a lot of different emotions. The only way that I could control the pain was to be still because if I moved at all the pain was too much. So I had to stay still and take the pain pills and to be still; sleeping, that’s what I did.

I still have pain after the treatments. They give me a topical medication that I have to put on that area it runs through the blood. It makes me tired. It fatigues me. It makes me depressed. I get disoriented when I’m on the medication.

I hurt a lot. The only thing I can do is take the medications that the doctors give me and keep going forward with the pain. That is one of the hardest things that you go through as a cancer survivor. Living every day you don’t know when the pain will come, and when it comes sometimes it’s impossible to control. You take aspirin, or Motrin, or something like that for the pain, but it still comes. It’s one thing that I have to live with for the rest of my life.

One thing about being a cancer survivor - every day I have to live with depression. People don’t understand the pain that you have. When you’re living with cancer, you have fear. You’re desperate. You’re going to die. You don’t know if you’re going to die. It bothers me that people reject you when you speak about cancer and it makes me feel bad. The majority of people that do not have cancer are very ignorant about the truth. It’s a disease out there, outside of what you can control, and sometimes I’ve been through solitude and nobody wanted to be by my side, and that made me feel rejected, like I wasn’t good for anything; that I didn’t mean anything special to that person if I’m not healthy. But as I’m sick, people don’t treat you like that, and that gave me a tremendous depression because it is sad to see that people treat you like that; that there are people in this world who are ignorant that way.

Sometimes my story can be an inspiration to someone. I have inspired a lot of people about what it is that I’ve survived. I arrived at the bottom-side of death and here I am alive and telling people my story. Sometimes explaining it to people inspires them. There are some people who are ignorant that don’t like to hear the truth. But there’s a part of the world where they do want to hear about what you’ve been, where you come from and where you are now. Thanks to God I’m still here living and giving my testimony to other people.

I’ve communicated with people who had cancer and it’s a miracle because we understand the suffering and the pain. We understand the tribulations that you go through from having cancer and we can exchange each others’ stories and testimonies - how they’ve gotten through it, how you got over the pain, how you control your sickness, who you talk to and what kind of questions you ask the doctors. That is the good thing about talking with people who have gone through the same suffering from having cancer - that we have something in common to talk about and we understand each other’s pain and suffering.

My advice is to not lose hope. I know that it’s a tragic thing but you have to keep going and not let this disease take your life. You have to keep going by giving glory to God and giving glory to the life that you have. You can keep going. There are remedies for this disease. There are people out there that can help you. You can communicate. My advice to people with cancer is if you have something go see the doctor. If you have a question, ask without fear because, in this world, life is yours to live - not for the doctors, not for the nurses, not for anyone else but for you. You have to keep going because there are a lot of people out there that are hoping for you. It could be your mother. It could be your father, your children, your family. If you have cancer, go to see a doctor. Don’t lose hope. There could be a remedy and there may be a point where a survivor can come and give his testimony to other people.

I was a very healthy young man. I was young and then, when I got sick, the treatments made me fat and I wasn’t attractive to other people. I’ve gotten very fat and sometimes I get a complex because I wasn’t the same person that I was when I was young. The only good thing that came out of all this is I have to remember every day what I eat. I have to do exercise to lose weight. I am still struggling with that. I was lucky that I had cancer in the area where I had it but the Lord blessed me that I still have my part and I can still use it. It doesn’t look normal like other people’s.

Every day, every day, I’m afraid that someday it will recur and that I’m going to lose that part of my body, that I’m going to die. I’m afraid. There are times when I think that I’m in a coffin and my family is crying over my body and that scares me. I don’t want to leave my daughters. I don’t want to leave my mom behind so that she suffers. I’m the anchor of the family. I have to be strong. Every day I feel bad that I have to go through this suffering and that I have that fear. It exists but I give thanks to God that I can keep going and not let that bother me every day. My hope is that someday there will be a treatment, a cure for cancer and hopefully that day will come for the other people.

My daughter is very young and she didn’t know what was going on. She knew that I was sick. She knew that I was suffering. She knew that I was crying and she didn’t know why. It was hard to explain that I was sick and that I could die. I didn’t tell her I was going to die but rather I told her that I was sick but not to worry, that I was going to get better. As for the family, fortunately my family was there. They didn’t know much about the illness. They didn’t know how to express their emotions, so they didn’t talk a lot. And when I communicated with them, they didn’t give me support. But I give thanks to God that I can keep going and I have faith that someday, hopefully, I’ll be cured.

I received support about cancer from an organization called CancerCare, especially from the social worker. He was an anchor for me. He gave me hope. He reminded me that this is temporary and that if I needed to I could shout, I could express my emotions, could cry. I knew that I could confide in him and I could explain it to him and he would be there to receive me and give me the support, and for that I give him thanks.

To have faith, to have hope, to keep going every day and to struggle. Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t. They told me there was no treatment for this kind of illness. There weren’t many people in the world, or in this country, who had the kind of cancer that I had and to beat that was a tremendous victory. I felt like David against Goliath and I live strong for that. When people say no, I say yes, and that’s why I keep living strong. I give thanks to God because He gave me the strength and the victory to survive cancer.

Cancer has to be a national priority because there are a lot of people out there who don’t know what cancer is. It affects people. You don’t have to have cancer but you may have someone in your life who has cancer and if you have someone in your life you can lose them. Also those who don’t have it suffer. Cancer is something that everyone has to know about - what it is and how to support those who have the illness. In this country we need more. Let the world know this disease exists and we can have a cure. We need the world to know that cancer exists and that people need to know how to live with it and to support those who have it.

We are men. We are strong and that men shouldn’t cry is a lie. You are sick, go to a doctor. If you need to cry because you have cancer, then cry, but there is hope. And have faith that the day will come when there will be a cure and for those men who don’t know how to communicate with others, look for a way because if you don’t talk, nobody will know.

My name is Edgar Moreno and I am a cancer survivor since 2001.